Tomorrow will be my 38th birthday. I am not really excited, I’m sad and alone. This is my first birthday in Louisiana. I have no family here. I normally spend my birthday weekend with my cousin, it’s the best time ever. My boyfriend left for Chicago to go work, but he forgot my birthday so I guess it doesn’t matter he isn’t here. My parents normally forget my birthday. I already have bets made on if they actually remember. You would think it would be easy to remember your child’s birthday, especially since it is on St. Patrick’s Day, but you would be wrong. This is the first time in 38 years I won’t have a birthday cake. I feel like I am being a baby over this, but I love birthdays, mine included. I always go above and beyond for birthdays and I am really sad I will be alone. My birthday will pass like just another day that doesn’t matter to anyone. I hate I don’t matter to anyone. Everyone forgets me or gets over me so easy. I hate that. I want to be wonderful, but I’m not.
I’m so hurt my boyfriend didn’t even think enough of me to get me a card, nothing. How is it possible that I mean so little to so many? I love with all I have, if I love you I really love you. I don’t give out my love or trust easily. I feel like if I can give you everything I have it shouldn’t be so hard for you to give me something in return.
I’m so unhappy with my life. I am not where I thought I should be in life.
I’m old, out of shape, and unattractive.
I miss my aunt Pauline.
I miss my Granny Liz.
I miss my daughter the most.
I’m now going to take a hot bath and go to bed.